the picture of me and friends (and a sister) in my grad event

backsound : ♩ ♬ Aku Ingin - Reda & Tatyana (Sapardi Joko Darmono) ♩ ♬

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

this is just beginning. I have a car now and I sit into it. now it's up to me where I will go to somewhere I want to with this car, or just let someone else take me to anywhere easily. do I have to visit a place I don't want to but my parents do or vice versa. oh car, sometimes I think you don't make life even easier.

then I choose my own scooter.


what the thing make you feel happiest?

thinking about what happy is, I think about it all the time. I noticed that being 22 is not really easy for godsake. in my 22, I just felt how scary the future will be, when I will die or something, why life is not fair for some people around me. it kills me whenever I think about it, for real. In the past, I really enjoyed everything in my life. I was so easy to control my mind and made them think positively every time. but now, I have to try how to be a positive thinker harder, really hard. my self likes to denial something I can't even handle it and it feels so wrong, oh God. how I'm supposed to do?
so I made points what the things that make me happy.
  1. when I woke up in the morning, my mom just asked me to have breakfast faster, like I am in hurry for school, but I am not
  2. my dad kissed me when I came home
  3. I hugged my young brother, daffa, and he hugged me back even tighter
  4. staring my photo with joe coffin (joe spurgeon) from the horrors, like forever
  5. singing loudly when I rode my motorcycle
  6. sleepover with my dearest bestfriends
  7. and they gave me an ice cream because they just want to
  8. watching nodame cantabile series from the start till the end
  9. watching running man show when I am eating
  10. being teased by ijal when I have nothing to do. yea I admit it
  11. got messages from other friends outside Indonesia. more happy if they say they coming here
  12. lost my weight without even realizing
  13. a friend or more coming to my house spontaneously
  14. got news I've been accepted in somewhere I applied for a job
  15. got news that I won something, like lomo camera and concert tickets
  16. reading magazines I haven't had yet and got a big discount for buying old import magazines
  17. buy flowers
  18. listening vampire weekend albums
  19. buy new pair of shoes
  20. sleeping under blanket
  21. laughing together with dede, even it's not really funny at all
  22. surrounded by my bogor-unpad boys friend because they always make me laugh and they really care about me
  23. drinking home made hot chocolate
  24. seeing my neighbours smiling at me at the far
  25. dancing korean songs
  26. and so many more.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

so, what the thing make you feel happiest?


love him even more

still, I was getting coffin joe fever and I'm enjoying it soooooo much! nya nya nya
I am so booooored at home. don't know what to do. being jobless like I have nothing to do at home. sebenernya sih ada, itu revisian skripsi yang mana belum disentuh sama sekali. aku males banget, kak! remember my skripsi, I felt like I could do better for that. remember about my GPA, ohh so poor me! even it's not bad at all, I thought I dissapointed my parents for just giving them my 'pas-pasan' grade, and I know that I dissapointed my lecture too. she said I could make it even better because she thinks I am smart enough to make a high achievement in academic arena. yea, I know. that's made me stress at that time. I feel so bego, you know, be-go. I miss the moment when I was in 2 grade elementary, I always had been heard about how diligent and clever I am by my parents and teachers. but now just sucks.

forget about that. eventhough I feel more stupid than I was a kid, I (which means the adult version of me) have a plus side. I become bolder who know how to speak up about a thing. for example, this morning I just did that. hm, maybe not a big deal for you, but I told somebody who made me mad because she didn't treat me well. she asked me to wait and I just sat in front of her, hope to be called and finish my business sooner. but she just ignored me then went to somewhere out there. I know the time was up, but the way she treated me just make me sick for her. gue tau dia males ngelayanin dan dia pun terlihat ngeh kalo gue nungguin dia. tapi dia ngelongos aja gitu, pergi. tanpa babibu basa-basi. you are totally treat the wrong girl, miss

alhasil gue sebel berat, but I didn't want to go anywhere just to show her I am waiting for her.
but I knew it was impossible. so I just went home and restraint my self in order not to curse her when I rode motorcycle. but mm I was thinking again, I will tell her something. so I left a message for her. a really nice message.

dear miss,
if you don't want to serve your customer because the time is up, just ask her to go home and come back again tomorrow, not ask her to wait without any intention. please treat your customer well.


I know I am the wrong girl here, but I just wanna said that important for your life to respect others. you have to think about people's feeling, not just your own affairs. next monday we gonna meet again, miss. I wanna give you the best smile I've ever had :)


well this is a jobless girl do

when I was in Bandung
when dea just arrived home from Turkey
we met and decided to go somewhere else
had fun with dslr.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I haven't finished them yet. still gotta make some and make a video of it. owh I love making gif :3

my beloved tina

"............aaaaa dinaaaaa. that's so sweet. Thanks gal, for being there for me. you've always been my bestest friend since forever and always will be. I love u soo much dear friend. even though we're parted by space I just want u to know that you've always been in my heart and constantly inspire me with your confidence and creativity. more hugs and kisses. thanks for wishes! mmuaaaaa :* "

yesterday was tina's bithday. I sent her my wishes through the blackberry messenger. Tina, what you wrote is exactly what I felt to you. I love you forever. happy 23!

I hope we can meet soon to celebrate your birthday and take another pictures of us. haha can't even imagine this photo was soooo old :p

maybe because I am too kind
I wish my friends always have a priority for me too
I thought I never refuse anything they asked
but I noticed I've been refused a lot
now I just got it, never depend your friends too much.
yea I got it

they have their own business
their own way to solve the problems
they have their own thoughts

I know now, it's not easy to get along with them whenever I want to, whenever I need them
we are mature now
we are not the same person we knew since we were kids

so, what's the thing you hate the most in friendship?
not only in friendship thing, I really hate if someone dissapoint me, in any reasons. that someone asked me to do something or make a promise that make me happy for a moment, but then that someone just said 'sorry, not today' or 'sorry I have a thing, maybe later pal'. stuff like that. one or two times, still okay with that. but more than that. I am really tired to hear of thoooose things.

the thing make you happy in friendship? is there any?
so many things of course! I am happy if my friends remember my days, no matter if they only send a message though, I am still happy. a friend who gonna talk anything about his/her feeling for me but say it in a good way. not stabbed at me and stabbed my other friends as well. I am very happy if we can share our 'senseless' dreams together and we dont laugh of it. I am happy if we can spend the day together. see their smiles, laugh for their jokes, scream for their crazy actions. I love when they hug me without saying anything. I'll cry when I hug them and they hug me back even tighter. I am happy we can share our home made food and feeding each other. reading together and quiet without any awkward feeling. I am happy when they call my name when we are still apart. I am happy when I read their message and asking about my condition. I am happy when they told me they remember me when they saw a thing in somewhere.

I've read some tweets from @islamdiaries, they say if I am looking for a best person for being bestest friend, I will never meet her/his. that's right, totally. I am now just have to be more realistic. my friends also have their own life.

The Horrors Live in concert

I went to Jatinangor for get the transcripts and graduated letter and I planned to go and come back to my home in one day. unfortunately I can't make it because my thesis should be revised first. soooo I just got the transcript and decided to stay for a night. while I trying to sleep in gigit's dorm in the evening, I read twitter's timeline and there was a quiz for winning the horrors concert, so I tried with no effort. I just wrote without my intention of winning. but then,

'wow, gonna meet you tomorrow guys!!!' I whispered

the next day, I went to Bandung and met sappy because I gave the other ticket for her. I need accompany, just so you know. so without bring any clothes, I borrowed hers and we prepared for get the tickets in venue. you know what, the venue looked very empty. there was no many people in there like I went to Vampire weekend concert in bengkel night park. after got tickets we were looking for dinner and place for salat then go back to see horrors. hehe I was so happy

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
the ticket paper is so good. it made from cartons

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Faris Badwan. his nose like a witch

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Joshua Hayward. he always been called by audiences in front of him but totally ignore them. later I know he got drunk. dasar bule

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Coffin Joe uuuuuk <3

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
the stripped shirt is Rhys Webb. I really enjoy the way he played at stage, and a man who played shynthetizer is Tom Cowan.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
this is faris's shoes

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
the setlist. I thought the performance was quite short that night.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
this is tom and he was soooo nice to us!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
aaand this is the highlight of the night haha! I really love this guy from now on. though he looks shorter than any members of Horrors, still he is the hottest than others. I love you. I loooove you too much Joe! hahaha

thank you Gigsplay for the present in this february, thank you sappy for accompany me and pictures you've taken secretly. thank you coffin joe for your beautiful blue eyes haha (naon)


so what do you say?

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

this was me in graduation day yesterday. Finally I'm oficially a bachelor! I am very happy to see my parents happy :)


backsound : A waltz for a night - Julie Delpy ♪ ♫♪ ♫

One day left to my graduation. ONE DAY LEFT TO MY GRADUATION. agh, if you think I am freaking out, no I am not. I just don't know how to express my undescribable feeling to this thingy. I am happy, of course finally this day comes. I am glad for sure, the preparation goes well. I am sure tomorrow will be fun, totally. see, nothing I am worry for. I just, don't know exactly what I feel today.

when everybody seeks anyone who can be theirs for 'pw' or 'pendamping wisuda', I totally forget about that. maybe I don't think like everbody does, haha. the things I always thinking for, my kebaya, my shoes, my bag, my lomo (am I allowed to bring that or not?) , what kind of flowers that my friends give to me, what pose I have to be in photosession with my family. okay that is not really necessary. sometimes woman always love to think unecessary things that make us happy, right? but being happy is necessary as well. so? ah, please ignore it, just ... hm

after graduation day, I have a lot of things to do. sooo many things. perhaps I just write them on the list.

  • making some money.
  • gotta make a passport
  • buy travelling books for me and dea
  • buy aiplane tickets
  • send cardtopost to kiram and putri fitria. I want to send these to some members as well so, just wait and see :D
  • scanroll my roll films ( 35mm and 120mm )
  • sending my slide to kedah, Malaysia. I'm gonna swap with fendy's
  • picnic with my girls, bringing our own cuisine and gathering in such comfy place in the morning
  • making some writings again.
  • the last, making stopmotion and gif pictures that I and dea made yesterday.
I am happy that I could make some fun projects again. Thank اللّهُ , I love you the most.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

just wait and see. oh my life seems brighter now


because we grown up

whenever I saw a movie on TV, I was thinking, why people in this world just exist now then why the dinosaurus had been gone for this era? I was (still) thinking, why I am here, why I have to be a girl that is still young and why I have to be a daughter who was born first in my family. many questions I asked for my self. I quiet, waiting for the answer though just wind whisper at me.
there's no answer.

you may say, those sentences above are my situation now. I feel really curious about anything these days. I am pessimist, suspicious, being overthinker. it's like I've changed become someone that I never been before. Perhaps I am just not ready to have such a negative side of me, the terrible things that might be happen in my life in the future. being 22 really isn't easy, for me personally. I cried a lot, even for unreasonable thing. my friend said this is normal. the others said that too, and making sure that they are understand about me, though I know they just don't. doesn't matter. we grown up now.

hoewever, this is my new life. I have parents who always expect me to be a better person and make them happy. I have sisters and lil' bro, they must be see me as a good role so I will show you guys how to be a good person for your lovely people and yourself. I'll always try to protect you but I hope the most you can protect yourself in anykind of situation. I have to be more positive because life goes on. you just started your 20 something. dont give up easily.

do not give up easily. do not surrender for nothing.

all photos use Ricoh GX-1 with Fuji superia ISO 200


"when you grow up, what kind of girl will you be. Will you write a book or invent a machine? Will you be an astronaut or will you sail the sea? When you grow up, what kind of person will you be? oh the things you'll be happy." - When you grow up (Priscilla Ahn)
I hate this phase

I cried last night because of loneliness. do you feel that way? I mean, when you think nobody was there for you, even asking how are you doing, it really sucks. I mad. I feel really bad.
since I was a child, my life is full with friends. playing, studying, even for sleeping, I did all of those activities together with anywho. I thought, whoa, this is life everybody means? life that would never be easy. whoa, this is life that everybody 's talking? life that would not be always pretty. Oh, I get it. suddenly, my tears went down. I hate it. I really hate it.

a lot of my friends said that they will always beside me whenever I need them, they will always listen to me, accompany me, and blalala me which are they do it for good. you can say I am selfish, whatever. in fact, those are totally lying. that is just words they can say to make me calm and quiet. I don't even know they do really care but themselves.

is there someone who gonna explain to me? I feel terrible.