love him even more

still, I was getting coffin joe fever and I'm enjoying it soooooo much! nya nya nya ♡

I am so booooored at home. don't know what to do. being jobless like I have nothing to do at home. sebenernya sih ada, itu revisian skripsi yang mana belum disentuh sama sekali. aku males banget, kak! remember my skripsi, I felt like I could do better for that. remember about my GPA, ohh so poor me! even it's not bad at all, I thought I dissapointed my parents for just giving them my 'pas-pasan' grade, and I know that I dissapointed my lecture too. she said I could make it even better because she thinks I am smart enough to make a high achievement in academic arena. yea, I know. that's made me stress at that time. I feel so bego, you know, be-go. I miss the moment when I was in 2 grade elementary, I always had been heard about how diligent and clever I am by my parents and teachers. but now just sucks.

forget about that. eventhough I feel more stupid than I was a kid, I (which means the adult version of me) have a plus side. I become bolder who know how to speak up about a thing. for example, this morning I just did that. hm, maybe not a big deal for you, but I told somebody who made me mad because she didn't treat me well. she asked me to wait and I just sat in front of her, hope to be called and finish my business sooner. but she just ignored me then went to somewhere out there. I know the time was up, but the way she treated me just make me sick for her. gue tau dia males ngelayanin dan dia pun terlihat ngeh kalo gue nungguin dia. tapi dia ngelongos aja gitu, pergi. tanpa babibu basa-basi. you are totally treat the wrong girl, miss

alhasil gue sebel berat, but I didn't want to go anywhere just to show her I am waiting for her.

but I knew it was impossible. so I just went home and restraint my self in order not to curse her when I rode motorcycle. but mm I was thinking again, I will tell her something. so I left a message for her. a really nice message.

dear miss,

if you don't want to serve your customer because the time is up, just ask her to go home and come back again tomorrow, not ask her to wait without any intention. please treat your customer well.

sincerely,

nobody.

I know I am the wrong girl here, but I just wanna said that important for your life to respect others. you have to think about people's feeling, not just your own affairs. next monday we gonna meet again, miss. I wanna give you the best smile I've ever had :)

maybe because I am too kind

I wish my friends always have a priority for me too

I thought I never refuse anything they asked

but I noticed I've been refused a lot

now I just got it, never depend your friends too much.

yea I got it

they have their own business

their own way to solve the problems

they have their own thoughts

I know now, it's not easy to get along with them whenever I want to, whenever I need them

we are mature now

we are not the same person we knew since we were kids

so, what's the thing you hate the most in friendship?

not only in friendship thing, I really hate if someone dissapoint me, in any reasons. that someone asked me to do something or make a promise that make me happy for a moment, but then that someone just said 'sorry, not today' or 'sorry I have a thing, maybe later pal'. stuff like that. one or two times, still okay with that. but more than that. I am really tired to hear of thoooose things.

the thing make you happy in friendship? is there any?

so many things of course! I am happy if my friends remember my days, no matter if they only send a message though, I am still happy. a friend who gonna talk anything about his/her feeling for me but say it in a good way. not stabbed at me and stabbed my other friends as well. I am very happy if we can share our 'senseless' dreams together and we dont laugh of it. I am happy if we can spend the day together. see their smiles, laugh for their jokes, scream for their crazy actions. I love when they hug me without saying anything. I'll cry when I hug them and they hug me back even tighter. I am happy we can share our home made food and feeding each other. reading together and quiet without any awkward feeling. I am happy when they call my name when we are still apart. I am happy when I read their message and asking about my condition. I am happy when they told me they remember me when they saw a thing in somewhere.

I've read some tweets from @islamdiaries, they say if I am looking for a best person for being bestest friend, I will never meet her/his. that's right, totally. I am now just have to be more realistic. my friends also have their own life.

I hate this phase

I cried last night because of loneliness. do you feel that way? I mean, when you think nobody was there for you, even asking how are you doing, it really sucks. I mad. I feel really bad.

since I was a child, my life is full with friends. playing, studying, even for sleeping, I did all of those activities together with anywho. I thought, whoa, this is life everybody means? life that would never be easy. whoa, this is life that everybody 's talking? life that would not be always pretty. Oh, I get it. suddenly, my tears went down. I hate it. I really hate it.

a lot of my friends said that they will always beside me whenever I need them, they will always listen to me, accompany me, and blalala me which are they do it for good. you can say I am selfish, whatever. in fact, those are totally lying. that is just words they can say to make me calm and quiet. I don't even know they do really care but themselves.

is there someone who gonna explain to me? I feel terrible.

>>>

backsound : The Marchmallow Kisses - Bubble Love Waltz

the rainy season makes me gloomy. I am bored and want to fall in love again. Or, is this temporary feeling because rainy season come every single day and hold me on the bed? this is just unimportant feeling, star. never mind. I just miss you every night because you disappear!

--------------------------------------- jangan tanya, nanti aku nangis.

... and I think

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”

sometimes I wish we could just pretend / even if for only one weekend / so come on, tell me / is this the end?

Lilly allen - Littlest thing

jam tangan saya hilang . jam tangan hasil tabungan tiga bulan

jam yang keemas-emasan . yang dipakai oleh banyak perempuan

tapi jam itu spesial . ia bisa menemani saya berenang . menemani saya diam dan galau

menemani saya saat perjalanan . menjadi penyelamat penampilan ketika ga karuan

jam, kini kamu berpindah tangan

semoga kamu tetap bermanfaat ya dan tetap menjadi andalan

I love you jam , I love you so much . I love you

Some memories are too hurt to stay, but too sweet to forget.

saya selalu mengingat ia setiap hari di mana saja . SALAH BESAR jika kamu pikir saya memikirkan ia karena saya mau - tidak, bukan itu. karena, ada saja benda mati dan apapun yang saya lihat untuk mengingatkan dia. apapun, padahal dia bukanlah apa-apa, bukanlah siapa-siapa . makin lama saya kesal dengan obsesi ini . saya ingin pergi saja

what I want to have and what I want to get this month

• yellow swatch watch
• classic piano course
• diana F+ chromiacs
• black leather jacket
• brighter body and face skin
• be skinny

yes . my plan is, this month I'm going to have a piano course once a week . I want to make my own songs, so I learn piano . I love listen piano instruments, I love to feel the way I play piano keys. therefore, I decided I will take a course . nothing is too late, isn't it? so wish me luck!

black leather jacket : I want that one I want that one! Having awesome leather jacket means you have to savings more money. so I will do that . I will I will , I promise!

be skinny . don't get me wrong . I just so curious and wonder, how it feels to be skinny . Then, I should go on diet, perhaps? haha or I often fasting frequently . hell yeah, I just have to keep trying, and consistent . YEAH!

The other things, I just keep them for next month wishes . hopefully I'm not forget :))